By Miriam Sagan
Reviewed by Lorrie Kazan for Whole Life Times
The title of this book is drawn from the Buddhist story in which a woman whose only child dies, appeals to the Buddha for a miracle. He agrees to bring her child back but only after she obtains a mustard seed from a household that has not known death. The heart-broken woman begins her search.
This story is the backdrop for Miriam Sagan, who loses her 36-year-old husband suddenly after an illness from which he appeared on the verge of recovery. She describes them as the quintessential baby boomer/seekers, exploring all paths, her husband even becoming a Buddhist priest.
The gripping tale of his illness and death is told from the perspective of the caretaker, herself an accomplished writer, teacher and committed seeker. How does a baby boomer grieve, she wonders? What are the modern role models for loss and restoration?
Current books on widowhood prove fruitless. Most are geared to women of her mother’s generation and offer tips on money management or changing the oil. They do not address what it means to be young, passionate, a mother, friend, and lover. How do you live in the face of death? When is it appropriate to date? Can you simultaneously grieve a loss and love someone new?
The author, who is constantly in movement, even when she feels too grief-stricken to budge, still manages for instance, to grab her daughter and board a flight for Korea where the desolate winter landscape mirrors the despair she feels within.
And yet anguish does not stop her from making a list of possible lovers. In fact, she arranges to meet an old flame, and this leads us into the last section of the book where we learn a bit more about her sexuality than I needed to know, but it will nonetheless take us on a warming trend.
This eloquent memoir is also offered as a primer for young widows, as a way to say, “You are not alone.” It’s a fascinating account skillfully rendered.
Quality Words in Print, 2003
