Searching
for A Mustard Seed (One Young Widow’s Unconventional
Story)
By Miriam
Sagan
Reviewed by Lorrie Kazan for Whole
Life Times
The title of this book is drawn from the Buddhist story
in which a woman whose only child dies, appeals to
the Buddha for a miracle. He agrees to bring her child
back but only after she obtains a mustard seed from
a household that has not known death. The heart-broken
woman begins her search.
This story is the backdrop for Miriam Sagan, who loses
her 36-year-old husband suddenly after an illness from
which he appeared on the verge of recovery. She describes
them as the quintessential baby boomer/seekers, exploring
all paths, her husband even becoming a Buddhist priest.
The gripping tale of his illness and death is told
from the perspective of the caretaker, herself an accomplished
writer, teacher and committed seeker. How does a baby
boomer grieve, she wonders? What are the modern role
models for loss and restoration?
Current books on widowhood prove fruitless. Most are
geared to women of her mother’s generation and
offer tips on money management or changing the oil.
They do not address what it means to be young, passionate,
a mother, friend, and lover. How do you live in the
face of death? When is it appropriate to date? Can
you simultaneously grieve a loss and love someone new?
The author, who is constantly in movement, even when
she feels too grief-stricken to budge, still manages
for instance, to grab her daughter and board a flight
for Korea where the desolate winter landscape mirrors
the despair she feels within.
And yet anguish does not stop her from making a list
of possible lovers. In fact, she arranges to meet an
old flame, and this leads us into the last section
of the book where we learn a bit more about her sexuality
than I needed to know, but it will nonetheless take
us on a warming trend.
This eloquent memoir is also offered as a primer for
young widows, as a way to say, “You are not alone.” It’s
a fascinating account skillfully rendered.
Quality Words in Print, 2003
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